After reading that, I closed my eyes and began to think about what type of “movie or scenes” would be appearing before my eyes from my past, and more importantly, what type of show would be on if I were to die in the near future. As with most individuals, the flashback contained bits and pieces of all sorts of genres. My childhood was a mixture of “Leave it to Beaver” until my father became ill and died, then it went to a tragedy and tear-jerker, to the Brady Bunch with the addition of a step-father and step-siblings added to the mix. Drama and comedy, mixed with a lot of religious programming, with a lot of Happy Endings, pretty much summed up my life until age 40.
Then it took a turn for the worst and my life pretty much played like a Greek Tragedy; some scenes completely out of my control, like the death of several loved ones, a Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis, and job loss, but many scenes were self-inflicted horror show. I relived many of those scenes in my head and for a brief moment, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if there were a “delete” button” on my life story so that I could just erase those 7 years?” Or at least a “fast forward” button. Then I thought some more and began to ponder, “Even if I could change my past….would I REALLY want to?” Certainly, I’d like to have my loved ones back and I would have liked to avoid that physical and emotional pain; certainly I wished that I hadn’t gained all that weight; certainly I would have liked to have those wasted years of isolation, depression, and sadness. But, in all honestly, I really don’t think I’d want it to be any other way. Really, Theresa, come on! Yes, really.