Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I'm going fly-fishing in the morning!

Tomorrow is the day of the big fly-fishing trip. I’ve never been fly fishing before so this is a totally new, “out of my comfort zone”, experience. I’m both apprehensive and excited at the same time.  When I made that New Year’s resolution about “trying new things, going new places, and pushing myself beyond my comfort zone”, I had no idea all the many new things that would happen to me this year; A plane ride to NYC, TV shows, speaking engagements, riding a Harley, climbing a dune, riding a bike…..WOW….what an incredible, adventurous year for a “prefer to stay at home – very comfortable being an observer-somewhat sheltered” kind of girl like me!  NOW….in less than 24 hours I’m going fly-fishing with a charter captain and some dear friends. I even get to wear those chest high wader things. I’m not sure what to do with them or how on earth I’m ever going to WALK in them, but I get to wear them! J  From what I’ve seen on the website for the charter captain, I might even catch a fish…..a BIG fish!  They fish for salmon and other fish that can be 20+ pounds.  Oh boy!
I have always loved to fish…..well, perhaps it’s better described as “feeding them my worms” as I usually only fish for bluegill and pan fish. Occasionally, I’ll put on a rubber worm and try to land a bass or a pike, but I rarely get anything big enough to keep. Until this summer, I used to fish with my brother and his family on a pretty regular basis, but ironically, this summer I didn’t even go fishing once! It used to be something that I enjoyed a lot, but it probably has more to do with the fact that it was one of VERY FEW activities that I COULD do in the summer. My brother used to help get my wheeled walker on the boat, or on good days, I could use just the cane, and I’d just sit there and fish. Even an obese, immobile girl could do that much, but it was a chore just to get from the car to the dock. By the time I got to the boat, just about all of my energy was drained. Not anymore! Now I’m going fly-fishing….at least once, anyway!
I have to admit, however, that as excited as I am about the new experience, I’m also a bit….well, actually, more than a bit…A LOT, apprehensive. When my friends invited me about a month ago, I immediately said, “I can’t do that…I’ve never done that…How am I going to pee in the woods….How am I going to get out of the boat….What if….How….But…..I’m not sure….I don’t know.” I have changed my mind so many times about this trip and almost convinced myself that I COULD NEVER do that.  “Old Theresa” has reared her ugly head once again and almost convinced me to give up this “once in a life-time (maybe)” opportunity. 
Whenever “Old Theresa” used to get invited anywhere, this type of thinking always occurred, and finally “she” convinced me to just stay home. Eventually, the invitations quit coming and I was content…or so I thought…to stay home and go to bed with a bag of chips.  Part of this fear/apprehension/anxiety came from the reality of my life as a 400 pound woman who couldn’t hardly walk.  EVERY single thing I did had to be thought out and I had to have a plan.  “How was I going to get there…..where would I park….what does the venue look like….will there be tables or booths….will they have an amigo cart….would the chairs have arms…..would I be able to do it….how would my RA pain be that day…..what would I wear……would I know anyone there.” The list was enormous.  I used to have to think so much about all of those issues. If you are/were obese, you’ve been there and you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.  If you are not, this may be the first time you’ve even considered how difficult it is for those that are extremely overweight.  Just imagine the humiliation if you broke someone’s lawn chair or couldn’t fit into a booth at a restaurant.
Life is not like that anymore for me, but the memories are always lurking in the back of my mind because that way of life could come back if I don’t continue to stay focused and motivated. Since losing my weight, I no longer really have to think about furniture, stairs, mobility issues or clothing. I do, however, ALWAYS have to consider food, and plan accordingly.  I also have to be mindful that my Rheumatoid Arthritis has a mind of its own and flares come and go without warning. For tomorrow’s trip, I have already planned to bring a small cooler. I know that they are going to have a ‘shore breakfast’ and “grilled riverside lunch” but I don’t know what will be served. Yes, I know, I could just eat whatever is served for this one day…but I choose not to. Instead, I’ll bring yogurt, fruit, protein bars, and other healthy options…just in case!  I’ll have enough to worry about without being concerned about food.  After all…. I still have to decide “what to wear” underneath those big rubber waders!  AND…the more pressing issue…..how am I going to go to the bathroom in the woods/water/waders???  J  Stay tuned! I likely won’t be posting tomorrow as I’m being picked up at 3:30 am and expect to be gone all day and into the evening. I’m sure, however, that I’ll have quite a FISH TALE to tell you on Thursday!   That is, if I don’t show up on “Funniest Home Videos” or the news for falling out of the boat first! 
Make it a great day everyone….and for a moment….just IMAGINE what kind of experiences you are going to enjoy….now or in the future when you reach your goal.  Don’t give up!