Good morning. The month
of December used to be one of my favorite months. The holiday season seemed almost magical as a
child. I grew up in a family where
holiday treats, preparations, and celebrations were always in full swing during
the weeks before Christmas. I remember helping my mother make dozens of cookies
and candies, especially her famous peanut brittle. I loved to decorate the
house and my life was deeply rooted in strong family traditions involving my
grandparents and extended family. Christmas….not just the day…but the entire
season….was a really big deal, and it had little to do with presents, but
rather with the experiences and traditions set forth by my parents,
grandparents, and my dear priest friend, Fr. Sauter. The memories of those days
are very much on my mind this year….and although they bring joy when I recall
them….they also leave an aching and longing in my heart because those special
people in my life are no longer physically present and the food, treats,
goodies, and family moments are no longer a part of my daily life.
While it is good to remember and give thanks for special
times and moments long ago, I am well aware that there is also a danger in
clinging to the past because it can quickly lead to sadness, especially if one’s
current life is anything less than a “Hallmark movie” type of existence. Do
people REALLY gather with multiple generations around a blazing fire sipping
eggnog and singing carols by candlelight?
Do lovers REALLY walk hand-in-hand in a blanket of freshly fallen snow
to see a massive holiday tree in a city park in the moonlight? Hallmark says so…but
the reality is that for many of us, there is stress, loneliness, pain, and
exhaustion during this time of year. Instead of becoming melancholy that my life
isn’t like the TV shoes, I am going to attempt each day is to give thanks for
those times and to live out those experiences where love, laughter, generosity,
kindness……faith and family……in my life NOW….as it looks NOW….where I live,
work, worship NOW….and in my personal journey.
My past experiences have helped me become the woman I am today and even
though my holiday celebrations aren’t what they once were…..those things I learned
are very much alive in my heart, and I’ve come to realize that COMPARING our
reality/holiday/life/relationships to others will cause us to miss the
glorious, joyful moments that are all around us, especially this time of year,
and is a potential stumbling block to one’s journey to well-being.
While it is true that
the holidays can be a time of great joy for many, I recognize that there are
many who struggle as well, especially those who have experienced loss. I
suppose that it is inevitable as I age, but it seems like so many people I know
have died in this past year; not immediately family whose absence will dramatically
impact my holiday season, but rather friends, neighbors, and people that used
to be a part of my life in Rockwood. Many of you have lost parents,
grandparents, and loved ones this year. Others recognize that this might be
their last Christmas with an aging/ill parent or spouse; perhaps even your own
self as you struggle with illness. My
heart aches for all who are grieving any type of loss because I know well how
difficult it is to carry on and celebrate when one’s heart is full of sadness. Some
have gone through a life change or break-up, or for some other reason, perhaps
even deployment or relocation, are unable to be with loved ones. For them (you),
their/your holiday will be different this year, but it doesn’t necessarily mean
that there can’t/won’t be moments of joy. Comparing your life/reality to
another can be detrimental to your peace of mind and can be a stumbling block
to your journey.
I also am conscious of those who are struggling financially
and how difficult it is to find the holiday spirit when they/you are barely
making ends meet and they/you so desperately want to make Christmas special for
their/your children/loved ones. There was a time in my past when I was
unemployed and although I didn’t have children, it was very difficult for me to
accept that my traditional holiday gift giving was going to be different that
year. I think my family received poems that year, but you know what, they loved
me nonetheless; perhaps even more because they knew I was barely surviving, not
just financially, but physically and emotionally as well. It’s really hard when we want so desperately to
do something but are limited in what we can do, and yet, in reality, the PRESENTS
we give mean very little compared to the memories we make by our PRESENCE. Can
you REALLY remember what you received for Christmas for the past few years?
As I’ve been going through my album of Christmas photos, I can’t
remember specific gifts, but I certainly can recall the experience of
decorating cookies with my mom and sister, Christmas caroling with my cousins
marveling at my Grandma Borawski’s massive village under the tree (which had
more lights on that any tree I ever saw), smiling at Pip’s silly Christmas hats
and outfits, and enjoying Grandma’s homemade cinnamon rolls (sigh…….a big sigh….lol).
THOSE things are most important and cost
very little. You may not be able to provide everything that you want to for
your children/grandchildren/loved ones, but chances are, if you give them gifts
and experiences from the heart, they will become more precious than anything
money could buy; it just might be appear like that to them THIS year or when
they are young. Comparing what you
receive/give to others can quickly lead to depression and unworthiness, and
can/will be stumbling block to the true meaning of the season.
I have received more e-mails and messages than I have had a
chance to read from people all over the world pouring out their heart and
sharing their despair/pain/disgust with their current state of health. So many
people want to change and yet, don’t believe it is even possible. Many times it’s
about weight, but not always. Many people….in fact, most people in this world….would
like to change SOMETHING about themselves. I certainly do! None of us are
perfect; in fact, we are ALL a work in progress and have room for improvement.
I struggle every day to do the right thing; to stay on track; to be positive;
to be kind, loving, forgiving and NOT to give into the negativity that
threatens my journey. Life is not easy and some days are better than others.
Even those who seem to have a “perfect life” with perfect children, a great
job, good health, a happy marriage, etc… are likely struggling too, just
perhaps in a different way. Some are just better at hiding it….or burying it…..or
worse, denying it and pretending it doesn’t exist. Each of us has our own cross
to bear and the ‘weight of that cross” varies at certain times in our life, but
nonetheless, we all have things we would like to be different. It’s important,
at least for me, to focus on what I do have, the blessings that greet me each
morning, and the ways in which God is present to me, rather on those things
that I would like to be different. Otherwise, a life of gratitude could turn
into a life of misery. Comparing what we have to what we don’t is a surefire
way to cause sadness, depression, resentment, and will very quickly rob us of the joy and peace
that comes from life. Giving in to doubt that life could and will be different,
feeling sorrow for oneself, and wallowing in the “I can’t….It’s too hard….I’ll
never be able to….I’m a failure…..you name it” is a MAJOR stumbling block to
your journey.
This week my focus is going to
be on the words of the clip with this post:
Do what you can with what you have, where you are. While I accept and recognize that life isn’t
perfect; that Christmas isn’t what it used to be or what I hope it will be one
day; that the people in my life sometimes disappoint me; that I can’t be with
loved ones either because of death or distance; and that I am not physically,
emotionally, financially, or spiritually all that I one day hope to be….. I
choose today to recognize that I am so incredibly blessed. So are you! I am
going to do what I can….with what/those I have….where I am….while trying each
day to be more loving, kind, generous, and compassionate….and working to
continually make positive changes in my life so that I can truly celebrate the
miracle of Christmas, not just in December, but EVERY day of my life.
I encourage you to do the
same!
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