Good Morning….
I absolutely love Christmas music!
So many of my holiday memories involve the wonderful songs of the season. When
I was a teenager, I would always play “Joy to the World” on the piano on
Christmas morning when I heard the rest of the family waking up. On Christmas
Eve my grandpa would often TRY to play carols on the organ and always had his
8-track player (which he piped through the house) playing music when all 30+ of
us gathered for our family celebration. “I just go nuts at Christmas” is a
silly song that ALWAYS brings a smile to my face when I hear it because it
reminds me of those Christmas Eve’s so long ago. “Away in a manger” always
causes me to choke up because it was my mother’s favorite carol. “Silent Night”
evokes the same feelings because it was Fr. Sauter’s favorite. I miss them a
lot, especially during the holidays. For the most part, the wonderful songs of
the season remind me of happy days preparing my former students for the
Christmas program at school/church; special parties and celebrations; and other
joyful times of long ago. Yes… I love
holiday music…..even if it does rouse deep emotion.
Actually, the entire Christmas
season is very emotional for me….on both ends of the spectrum. Most of the time
feel joyful and happy when I think about how different and wonderful my life is
now than it was just a few years ago. At other times, I feel melancholy and
nostalgic when I think of my childhood/young adult days when my
parents/grandparents were still with me and how joyful those celebrations were
and how much I miss those days. I feel hopeful when I think of what my life
might be like a year from now because God continues to bless me and I know He
has great things in store for me. I then feel sadness when I think/hear about
or witness the pain and heartache of others who are struggling to find even a
little bit of peace and joy this year.
Yes, an emotional girl like me with a heart that feels deeply often
feels like she is on emotional rollercoaster during this time of year!
The past two days have been
wonderful ones in terms of the Christmas Spirit. On Tuesday night I was overwhelmed with the
holiday spirit because I was able to take my gal-pal Marcia shopping to
purchase Christmas gifts for her children. She struggles financially and for
the first time in many years (maybe EVER) she was able to purchase some things
so that her children will have gifts to open on Christmas morning. She was
literally like a little kid in a candy store as we shopped. I’ve never seen
anyone so excited….and overwhelmed…..and joyful at the same time. Oh wait….YES, I have. I’ve been THERE before….every time I was able
to do something for the first time in many years….or EVER….because of my
journey to change my life. That same JOY
on her face as she picked out a toy that she says her little one is “GOING TO
LOVE” is what I felt when I walked to the mailbox for the first time a couple
of years ago. When she said, “Theresa… I never thought I’d be able to do this…
I’ve NEVER been able to go to a store and just buy something I wanted without
having to figure out how I’m going to pay the bills”…. I KNEW what she
meant….not because I shared her financial struggles…but because I KNOW what it
feels like to climb to the top of a bluff overlooking Lake Michigan or sit on
the top of a dune and be overcome with emotion as I said to my friend… “I NEVER
thought I’d be able to do this….I NEVER thought I’d be able to see this… I
NEVER knew that life could be like this!”
Yes… I knew her joy; I felt her excitement; I shared her hope that her
life can/will be different one day and that more of these empowering
experiences lie ahead for her as she continues her studies and grows in
confidence and strength. As we cried together in the parking lot of Kmart, I
told her that I don’t think that ANYTHING….any song; any gift; any Hallmark
moment; any Christmas ANYTHING could have given me more of the Christmas spirit
that being able to be a part that little shopping spree and experiencing/witnessing
the joy of someone who is working to change her reality. It truly was a moment
of joy…..
So…yesterday I was floating on
air….and filled with Christmas joy. This morning, that joy dissipated quickly
and I was overwhelmed with complete disgust when I listened to the morning news. The coverage of the interrogation tactics
used by the CIA has made me absolutely sick….torture, waterboarding, body
slamming....simply horrific. I typically
don’t get political and don’t want to “go there” or debate the war on terrorism
or anything like that because each side can make their own case. I just
literally hate WAR…death….hatred….destruction…..violence….prejudice, etc…and
for whatever reason, the news coverage this morning THREATENED to take away my
peace
I almost….almost…..gave in to it.
I ALMOST let it rob me of my joy. I ALMOST let it ruin my day. It is horrible….it makes me sick….it makes me
sad to think of those all over the world who suffer for ANY reason…..it breaks
my heart to hear of heartbreak, sadness, oppression….but I recognize that many
of these things are ‘out of my control” and I cannot change them, but I can let
it change ME….either positively or negatively.
I have a choice. I always have a
choice. I can dwell on the darkness/evil
in the world…..or I can choose to make a difference to those around me by
being a LIGHT and a source of love to
each person I meet today. I can give in
to the sadness and feel depressed that the world is a mess or people suffer
needlessly and walk around gloomy…OR…. I can choose to try to make someone
smile today by telling him/her that he/she looks nice; did a good job; that I’m
proud of him/her. I can say “Thank You”,
“I’m sorry”, or “You’re awesome.” I can appreciate the blessings around me and
say a prayer of gratitude. I can work to make others feel peaceful; happy;
empowered; and hopeful. I can’t change
the entire world or make people stop hating and fighting….but I can change
MYSELF….and I can make a difference to those around me. And mostly…. I can CHANGE the channel! I could sit and listen to this stuff on the
TV….and the other bad news…..or I can turn it off or on to a different
station. The bottom line is that the
choice is MINE how I react; what I choose to feel; how I want to spend my
energy. You, too, have a choice on how you want to spend this day.
A few years ago, I would have
dealt with things much differently. I would have turned to food. When I was shopping and had a moment of joy
like I did earlier this week, I would have stopped to McDonald’s and Marcia and
I would have celebrated with a milkshake or apple pie. I would have sat here eating cookies as I
listened to the horrors or torture on the news. I would have ate a bag of chips
when I looked at old Christmas photos and felt the sadness that loved ones have
passed. Food would have been my way to
deal with the emotions of the season….either happy or sad.
I was… I am….an emotional eater and this time
of year is a challenge and I must make choices every single day to give in to
the temptation to cover up the emotion….or to feel it/ experience it/give
thanks for it…..or CHANGE the channel; leave the situation; fast forward
through the song; or focus on something else. I’ve been on both sides of the
spectrum….and bounce back and forth several times a day from joy to sadness….but
it is much more pleasant to be joyful and hopeful than melancholy, sad, or
lonely. It’s a lot more fun to be peaceful than depressed/anxious. It’s a lot
better to be grateful rather than angry.
I CHOOSE today…. to seek joy…..to seek health……to seek peace. What about
you?
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