When I came across this clip, I was immediately reminded of
my First Reconciliation back in the 4th grade. Goodness, that was
almost 40 years ago, and yet I remember it like it was last month. For those of you that are not familiar with First
Reconciliation, it is the Catholic sacrament of “confession” where a person and
a priest have a conversation about one’s failures and shortcomings and the
person asks for God’s forgiveness. The Catholic tradition of
Confession/Penance/Reconciliation (whatever term you wish to use) is often a
point of conflict/confusion/misunderstanding, etc. amongst Christians and is
certainly not anything I wish to debate at this time; I’m simply sharing
something that happened during my first experience with the sacrament and how
it relates to my journey.
In any case, like most children, I was VERY nervous to go
into the Reconciliation Room and tell my sins to the priest….who happened to be
Fr. Sauter…the priest I knew well then, and ended up being one of my dearest
friends; the one whose death in my arms was one of the losses that sent me spiraling
out of control several years back. I
went into the room and knelt down. Father was facing the other direction and
couldn’t see me, but still I was nervous as all get out. After all, I was about
to tell him my list of “sins” (how bad could they be at 9 years old?). I had no problem coming up with a very long
list of my faults and failures, even as a child, but still, was trembling as I told
them to him, knowing he was my mother’s boss and a person I saw nearly every
day. I told him my sins and was then horrified when he said, “Ok, Theresa, now
tell me the GOOD things you’ve done.” I
lost my breath for a minute….HOW DID HE KNOW IT WAS ME??? “HE was facing the other way; oh my goodness,
I am SO embarrassed….Oh no, what if he told my mother” were my immediate
thoughts and I was dumbfounded at his question.
“What do you mean, tell you the GOOD things I’ve done”, I thought. I’m
not GOOD. I don’t do GOOD things. I’m a brat. I’m a bad kid. I just told you
all my sins….that I fight with my brother and sister; that I sass my mother;
that I disobey and am lazy……and whatever other things I might have done. I literally was silenced and did not know
what to say. He asked me some other
questions and helped me realize that certainly I did/do good things: I help
others in school; I did my homework without being told; I went to mass and
prayed without a fuss; I helped my mother, etc… and I left feeling better than I
had went in, which is essentially the whole purpose of the sacrament.
I share this story with you because that experience clearly
reminds me of an area of my life that I’ve struggled with for 40 years: seeing
faults easier than seeing goodness. It is
SO MUCH EASIER to focus on our shortcomings (after all, I was raised with the
Catholic guilt… I was ALWAYS doing something wrong…sigh) than on our success. It
could be considered “pride” to ‘toot my own horn,’ if you will…and yet…that
very principle of dwelling on our weakness instead of rejoicing in our gifts
can cripple our journey.
How many times have you went to weigh-in and gained weight
and immediately felt like a failure….even if you’ve lost a significant amount
of weight already? How many times have
you had a boss/friend/loved one make ONE critical comment and you felt
shattered or hurt, even if he/she said positive things many times before? How many times have you ‘beaten yourself up”
emotionally/mentally/spiritually when you gave into temptation, binged, or
did/said something that you later regretted, even if you’ve been strong and did
the right thing countless of times before?
Like me, I’m guessing you can answer, “Many….I do it all the time”.
A person doesn’t typically begin a journey to change unless
he/she has things about him/herself that he/she is not happy about. A person
who thinks he/she is “perfect” wouldn’t want to change. Point being…we are all
flawed in some way; we all want to look better, feel better, act better…and
change our behavior in some way…. Or we wouldn’t be trying to change our
life. It is likely easy for us to point
out our shortcomings, our faults…in the case of weight issues, we don’t even
have to point it out: it’s there for the world to see. We already KNOW we need
to work on ourselves. We already KNOW that we need to lose weight/get fit/be
nicer/get more exercise/improve our relationships/give up our vices…etc…. It’s
easy to focus on the negative, but much harder to focus on the positive things
about ourselves. And yet…it is CRITICAL to our well-being that we begin to
recognize the GOOD things about our bodies…our lives…our relationships so that we
can become people of gratitude and can continue to be motivated to change and
work to be better.
So…..TODAY (and again tomorrow and the next day…and the
next)….I will ask myself (and you) the question that my dear priest asked me, “So,
Theresa….what are some of the GOOD things you’ve done?” What are some of the GOOD things about you….that
you did to help you on your journey?
Hmmm……as I sit here this morning, reflecting and drinking my coffee…I’m
making a mental list that includes these:
Well…I forced myself to take a walk yesterday morning at
6:30, even though I got caught in the rain and had to come home and re-do my
hair before work.
I have gone 8 days now without eating a protein bar (not a
bad thing to eat, but one in which I was losing control by eating too many of
them).
I woke up at 1:00 a.m. this morning to use the bathroom and
DIDN’T go into the kitchen to get something to eat, a habit that I have been
struggling with.
I took time already this morning to pray/reflect/think about
my journey and ask for God’s strength this day.
The list contains other things and shortly, when I get ready
for work and while taking my morning walk, I’ll be telling myself good things
about me… I am strong; I am capable of succeeding; I have potential; I am
beautiful….IN SPITE OF…(and I’m going to try to delete the “in spite of’s” from
my mind today); I AM a loser (in this case..a weight loser; A VERY GOOD THING
to be a loser!!! ) I AM going to make a difference in someone’s life today at
work; at home; on Facebook; in the store…wherever I may go; I AM…. I will work very hard today not to focus on
those things that I AM NOT…those areas where I need to improve…those areas
where I have failed….those things that I am not yet able to do…or do well, but
rather on my successes. I encourage you
to do the same.
Rejoice in HOW far you’ve come; not how far you’ve yet to
go. Celebrate how far you can walk; how
long you can be on the treadmill; how much better you feel….not on how slow you
have to walk, how short of breath you become, how much further your friend can
go. Focus on how many times you’ve
resisted temptation and made a good choice; not on how many times you’ve given
in. Remember how many times you “held
your tongue” and said something nice, rather than those times you’ve lashed out
or regretted that sarcastic comment that just “slipped out”. Mostly….concentrate on all the blessings you
have, all the kind things your spouse/child did today….not on the messes they
left; not on the things you WISH you had; not on the rust on your car or the
stains on the carpet; not on the unpleasant things about your job but rather
that you HAVE a car, a home, a job.
Changing our way of
thinking is harder than changing our way of acting, but it is the key. Let’s
pledge together to focus on our success today….not our failure.
Have a wonderful day!!!!
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