I had a conversation yesterday with a student who is very
close to graduating with an Associate degree. Said student, (I’ll call him Tom
as I want to protect the student’s privacy), is enrolled in a couple of classes
this semester and then has only one more class left to take in the winter
semester to complete his program requirements. However, the student came in to
talk to me about possibly taking some other training or switching up his
program of study at the end of this semester. I looked at him puzzled and
asked, why, at this point, so close to graduation, would he decide to leave
us. The answer was simple, “Theresa, I don’t
want to take CLASS XXN (not real name) because I tried it before and didn’t
pass it, and besides, it’s really hard.”
This type of conversation is not unusual in my office, but I
looked at the student with sort of a surprised look on my face, and we
proceeded to discuss the issue in depth.
It turns out that the student had indeed enrolled in the particular class
in question a few years ago, discovered that it is a difficult class that
requires a very long research paper, had some difficulties understanding the
expectations of the instructor, and therefore, simply walked away from the
class in the middle of it. The course is
indeed a challenging one, which is exactly why it is only required for students
who are likely to transfer on to a university to pursue a bachelor’s degree,
but each semester, more than 100 students successfully pass the class. Academically
challenging? Absolutely! Impossible? No
way!
I looked at the student and I could see deep emotion in his
eyes; namely, fear and apprehension. The
student had tried and failed previously. Not only that, but he had encountered other
academic challenges along the way and had heard from other students how hard
the class was. He was apprehensive and the class seems like too big of a hill
to climb; therefore, he is thinking the best solution would be to just avoid
the challenge; walk away from his dream of graduating; not even try.” For a few
minutes, I recognized the thinking in the student because I have been in his
shoes; thought those same thoughts; and actually ‘did nothing” for a long time when
faced with personal, emotional, and physical challenges in my own life. Past
failures; fear of failing again; apprehension; doubt; and a plethora of other
emotions can completely cripple a person’s dreams and can simple one to give
up; walk away; and do “nothing.”
The ‘cheerleader’ in me kicked into full gear a few minutes
into the conversation and I told the student that, “Unless he was 100% certain
that he did not want his degree, that there was absolutely NO WAY that I was
going to let him walk away without at least trying again.” After all, he was
ONE class away from graduation: ONE, little, albeit challenging, class away
from reaching a goal that he had been working towards for more than three
years. I assured him that I would personally
help him; get him a tutor; ensure he got enrolled in a class with the instructor
of his choice; introduce him to the staff at Academic Support Services; and be
available to help him in ANY WAY I could so that he could pass the class……IF…and
ONLY IF…..he decided he wanted to try again and put forth a sincere effort.
The decision will ultimately be up to him, but I will be so
disappointed if he doesn’t at least try; he is SO close to graduation. He walked
away smiling. Whether or not he chooses to return next semester is yet to be
determined; but at least he knows that if he decides to pursue his degree that at
least ONE person on campus believes he can do it and will do whatever she can
to help him succeed. His success, however, will all come down to HIM; HIS commitment;
and HIS determination. “How bad do you want to graduate? What are you
willing to do to reach that goal? Are you REALLY going to walk away from your
dream….because you failed before; you are afraid, AND you know it’s going to be
hard?”
Amidst the sometimes stressful moments of my job, I am
blessed with conversations like this. After the student left my office, I silently
thanked God for that appointment, because I was the person that benefited most
from the interaction with the student. It was almost as if I was giving myself
a ‘pep talk” about issues that challenge me…ironically the same ones that
students and many other people (like you all) struggle with on a regular
basis. I thought about all of you; all
the e-mail and messages I’ve received recently but have yet to respond to; all
those who have reached out to me asking for help and sharing the stories of
loss/despair/pain. I thought about my
own journey and how I did exactly what the student was contemplating doing: I
did NOTHING to improve my health and well-being for many years, simply because,
“I’ve failed before; it’s too hard; I’m afraid…” It definitely is easier to give
up and do nothing, but I cannot expect something to change if I’m not willing
to do my part. This is the same thinking
that caused me to just “exist” or so many years when life got really hard. “I tried before to lose weight and I failed,
therefore, I’ll just quit trying.” “It’s going to be too hard; I’ll NEVER be
able to do it; so I’ll just do nothing.” “Frankly, I just don’t care about…….” Although my thinking was not about completing
a class to graduate, the thoughts of fear; doubt; apprehension, etc….controlled
my actions….or lack of actions. The
result: I ended up over 400 pounds and unable to walk, and I had more than a
diploma hanging in the balance: I was a walking time-bomb physically and
emotionally. BUT….it didn’t have to be
that way!!!!! Thank you, God, for not giving up on me!
I cannot force my student to enroll in that last class; the decision
lies solely in his hands. I cannot pass the class for him; I’ve already taken
and succeeded in that class many years ago. I cannot write his paper; do the
research; put the effort into the coursework; it will be up to him. But, I can…and I will…..offer support; cheer
him on; point him to available help and resources; remind him how WONDERFUL it
will be; how GREAT it will feel; How empowered he will be when he is handed his
diploma next May; but he will need to decide how bad he wants it. And, I can remind him…..over and over and
over again if necessary….that a past failed attempt does NOT make him a failure;
a challenging class does NOT mean it is IMPOSSIBLE: and fear does NOT have to
cripple his dreams. He can…..and he will….succeed…..if
he is willing to try; believe in himself; take advantage of the help available….and
put forth the effort…..but he has to at least TRY. And if….he sincerely tries…and
can’t do it…..well, then he can try again….and again….and again if necessary!
My friends….many of you have the same type of thoughts plaguing
your mind. You WANT to be free from
addiction; you WANT to lose weight; you WANT to give up
smoking/drinking/gambling/gossiping
(whatever); you WANT to have healthy, happy relationships; you WANT to
be a better person; feel healthier; make better decisions……but…..you’ve tried
before and failed. Maybe you’ve lost weight and gained it back (really…who HASN’T
done that at some point?????) Maybe you’ve gone 3 days; 3 weeks; or 3 years
without a cigarette or a drink….but in a moment of weakness you gave into temptation
and all your hard work was in vain (it wasn’t….even 3 days is better than No
days). Maybe you’ve gotten through the entire day without being negative, but
you get home from work and the house is a mess; the kids haven’t started
homework; and your partner has had a bad day (and of course, it’s YOUR fault….NOT!)
and you suddenly feel as if you want to explode…..or eat junk.
So….you’ve had a bad day….or week…..Are you REALLY going to
give up? Yes, life is hard. Yes, it’s challenging.
Yes, you’ve tried and failed…..but I’ll ask you the same thing I asked my
student: WHAT do you want more? How BAD do you want to succeed? Are you really willing to quit trying…..because
of a bad day…..or a week? The decision
is ultimately up to you….but I encourage you to really think about what you
want to do. I cannot do it for you….but I
can promise you that I will do whatever I can to help you. I will support you; I
will cheer you on; I will continually remind you how wonderful it feels to be ‘free”
from that which threatens to rob you of your peace, health, and joy. And
mostly, I will tell you that I believe in you and I KNOW that you are capable
of doing it……but you will never succeed if you don’t keep trying! Your self-worth isn’t dependent on succeeding
EVERY time and EVERY thing. Your value doesn’t lie in being PERFECT; being
THIN; being rich; whatever….your value comes from being kind, compassionate,
generous, and loving. I define success
as TRYING again and again and again……
Come on now, Don’t give up!!!!! Next year at this time, my student will
have a college diploma to hang in his room; what will you have????? The decision is yours!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment