The scale is a tool....not an enemy

Good Tuesday morning.  I know that some of the TOPS peeps have weigh-in this morning and some of you are facing the scale after a  holiday weekend of celebrating. Just wanted to remind you that the scale is a tool to keep you motivated, but it absolutely DOES NOT reflect your self-worth as a person.  You are much more than a NUMBER.....and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL….in spite of the number staring back at you this morning. SO….if you don’t get the result you want this week….don’t fret; don’t give up hope; don’t beat yourself up.  Instead, use it to motivate you to try again and do better this week.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

Reflections on a holiday float

Good Morning…..  I thought I was supposed to 

be rested and relaxed after a week of vacation???  It’s back to work this morning and I think I need a vacation to recover from my vacation, but it will be good to get back into some sort of routine.  Most of the family left yesterday; the rest will be leaving later this afternoon or tomorrow.  What a great week of fun!   We certainly had beautiful weather.  As you may have noticed, I even took a break from Facebook for a couple of days, partially because my schedule got off-kilter a bit and partially because I was spending the early morning hours working on my float for the 4^th of July parade.

I guess the sign of a good vacation is going back to work, thinking… “Gosh, I didn’t get to do this… I ran out of time….. I was hoping to ….”  It seemed like I was busy constantly, but didn’t get much time in on the bike; didn’t get much rest and relaxation; didn’t even get out on the lake/boat all week….. So I keep asking myself…..what DID I do and how did the week go so fast?  Hmm…good question!

 I guess the biggest amount of time was spent the past four days working on my float for the neighborhood parade and then tearing the float down yesterday. It seems like an awful lot of work for a very short parade, but working on it gave me an opportunity to spend some time by myself reflecting on my journey.  Ironically, I had a lot of mixed emotions as I spent hours… I mean hours….putting it together; some of them good; some of them, not so good.  At first my heart wasn’t in the float, and I didn’t really commit to a float until about four or five days before the parade. My sister and her girls weren’t able to attend the reunion this year and they were an integral part of helping with the past couple of floats, so I wasn’t really excited about doing one this year, especially since I was going to have to do it all myself.  BUT…. I did…..and I had fun in the process, even though it was A LOT of work and A LOT of time went into putting it together. Like most thing in my life….I’m reluctant at first and often try to talk myself out of things, once I committed to the project I was going to do whatever I could to make it the best it could be. Very much like this journey that I am on to a healthier, happier life. And so began the float…….  

It was very warm and sunny on Thursday afternoon and I must admit, I was getting a bit cranky…..perhaps a bit resentful….after about 4 hours of tying  paper flowers and attaching decorations to the large trailer that was the base of the soon to be human “Mt. Rushmore” float.   Why did I decide to spend the last four days of my vacation doing this?  For what.....a half-hour ride through the neighborhood and campground?  Certainly I could be floating in my pool on this gorgeous sunny day….or out on the lake with the rest of the family.  Heck, I could even be taking a nap….or riding my bike…..or working in the garden…..or…  The feelings went from excitement….  “This is starting to look really cool”  to  “Hmmm….am I doing this float ALL BY MYSELF” to “Is this even worth it” ultimately ending with….  “This is YOUR float, Theresa, and you made the decision to do it, so ‘buckle down and get to work’” …..etc.   Typically, I don’t have these kind of thoughts, but for much of the past week, I was struggling with feelings of control. There was a lot of eating, drinking, and celebrating going on at the family camp and, because I chose not to partake in much of that, I spent a lot of time at home…..doing my own thing…..working on the float.  It was harder this year than in previous years to be surrounded by all the temptation and to realize that this new life means that there are very tough choices that have to be made....over and over and over again. And those choices mean that I am often the ONLY one NOT enjoying the special treats that accompany this week of family fun. There were many times this week when my commitment was challenged….not by others in my family…but by myself. There were times when I resented not being able to indulge in the festivities, especially when others were trying wonderful desserts or eating deep fried home-made potato chips, or having a cold drink.  There were times when I really felt “out of place” and “out of sorts” because my schedule (get up so early and struggled to stay awake late when others were at the campfire) and because my lifestyle differs so much from those in my family.  And yet….even though I broke routine quite a bit and ate a lot more than I typically would have (way too many protein bars and all the fruit and Greek yogurt I wanted all week), I didn’t want to get too far off track because it’s too easy to slip into old habits, even after a few years. I noticed, however, that whenever I was tired, irritated, resentful, or stressed in any way, I reached for food. Old habits die hard and I must admit I consumed more calories this week than I needed to.....most of my choices driven by emotions rather than physical hunger.   Like is said, it will be good to get back into the routine of getting up early….writing…. going to work…..eating at normal times….. and getting back to my regular schedule.  (At least for a week or so before I have another few days of vacation to celebrate my birthday next week).

So……some reminders/thoughts/conversations that filled my mind these past several days…..

My/Our personal journey is like building a float……..

Others will ENCOURAGE your decision….perhaps even push you into it…..because they know you can DO it….but ultimately, it will come down to YOU doing the work yourself.  It’s your journey….and once you make a commitment, be prepared to do the WORK yourself. Sure, there will be offers to help you….but others have their own lives….their own things they want to do….and it’s going to come down to YOU and your commitment.  There are going to be periods when you ask yourself, “Is this worth it…….Why am I doing this when everyone else is off having fun (eating, drinking, whatever)?”  You are going to want to give up; You are going to tell yourself that this was a STUPID idea; It is not always going to be FUN….(tearing the float down is like taking down the Christmas tree….not nearly as fun as putting it up).  I had to take little breaks and come back to it when I started getting frustrated.  BUT…..as it started to come together, I could see progress….and ultimately, I was very proud of my efforts, and YES, even though I didn’t win the contest, I certainly put the most time into my float, I still had fun and it was still work the effort I put into it.   Just like this journey…....full of emotions…..some good; some challenging…..but ultimately, worth every bit of work.  In case you can’t tell from the picture, I was George Washington for the parade.    

Sigh…..it will be good to get back to “routine.”  I hope you all had a great holiday weekend.   

Vacation is going so fast.....

Good morning my friends! I can’t believe that it is already Wednesday and yet, it seems like it’s been non-stop activity for the past couple of days. I am going to need a vacation to recover from my vacation!!!!  I’m getting weary, but having a great time, although I have yet to stay awake long enough to see it get dark at night; nor have I made it to a campfire YET!  This former party girl is getting old! J

Yesterday was a busy day because it was my day to cook for the gang. I was up very early and had the ham in the crock pot and the pancakes ready to hit the griddle before 6 a.m. so that I could take a short bike ride before I started flipping them. The blueberry ones were a big hit…and there were a lot of empty plates and smiling faces at the end of breakfast. The smiles might have been because the sun was starting to shine, but hey, I’ll take a smile for whatever reason. 

After breakfast, we did a couple of craft projects. Typically, each of the adult women in the family plan some sort of project or activity that the adults can do as well as the kids. We have a batch of really young ones (under 5) right now so there will be games and fun for them later in the week when the rest of the little ones arrive. I am, however, having a GREAT time playing with the 3 little ones that are here now.  I’ve always been one that loved doing stuff with the kids (hence my 18 years in elementary religious ed) but when my life was really difficult and rocky (2003-2011), I wasn’t physically able  to play with the kids like I wanted. Most of that time was spent sitting in a walker/chair and watching the family have fun.  I missed out on so much with the nieces, nephews, and cousins that are in the 10-18 year old bracket now.  Ironically, the things I am able to do with the littlest ones now are the same things I did…and loved to do….with their parents when they were little!  It’s great to be alive….and able to play and be like a child again!  Use that for motivation if you are in need of some.  What child/ren in your life are you missing out on because of weight, addiction, depression, broken relationships….whatever?  Life is really short and kids grow up really fast.  I encourage you today to do whatever you need to do so that you can make a difference in the lives of the little ones that God has placed in your life…..whether they are YOURS or someone else’s!

I spent a good portion of the afternoon yesterday getting things ready for dinner, but all went well.  I even made homemade chunky applesauce for the first time in my life. I never realized how easy it is to peel and core a bag or two of apples, toss them in a crock pot with a little water, cinnamon, and Splenda and just let them cook. I thought they might be a good side to go with the pork loin that my brother was grilling and I also wanted to make sure there was something that I could eat without guilt, especially since I was also cooking up garlic/onion roasted potatoes and baked beans, and there were a lot of other high-calorie things served. The applesauce turned out great and I’ve already had some warmed up this morning with a carton of vanilla Greek yogurt tossed on top of it. I know it’s been a LONG time since I’ve had a piece of apple pie, but to me, it kind of resembled a pie a-la-mode without the crust.  I thought it was a yummy treat.  

Yesterday afternoon was also a big “out of my comfort zone” experience that I’ve written about many times before, but yesterday I actually confronted my fear and went to the pool that is open to the association members where I live.  And…there were people there that I didn’t know!  For those that missed the previous posts, I’ve been very self-conscious about going to the pool due to the excess skin. I love the sun and the water and I have a 3 ½ foot pool in my private backyard, but I had a terrible fear of going anywhere where I might be seen by strangers.  Ironically, I spent almost every day at the same pool at 300 and 400+ pounds, and wasn’t at all self-conscious, but I have not been there since I started the weight loss journey.  Last year, I made it as far as the parking lot and chickened out and went home to my own pool.  Even though I was very apprehensive and uneasy, I faced my fear and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I’m not sure I will do it again anytime soon, but at least I can say that I faced my fear. It is progress….even though it’s small.  As I’ve encouraged you all before….CELEBRATE the little victories…no matter how small!  We are ALL a work in progress and little, baby steps are all that’s needed on this journey.

Today I am off to town for a hair appointment and a trip to Menard’s for some supplies for a bird-feeding project that I’ve decided I want to do, as well as some things for my parade float. The week is going by too fast and there is still so much to do.  Cherish the moment….make the best of each situation….and be grateful for all the blessings in life. Sometimes, however, you have to slow down long enough to realize how incredibly blessed you are.

Keep on track….keep working toward your goal….Keep on smiling and trying to be a better person today than you were yesterday!!!! 

Staying on track on vacation

 Good Morning…. The reunion-vacation is off to a great start so far!  The weather cooperated on Sunday and we had a great time flying kites up at the lake. Ahh….to feel like a kid again!  There is much to tell, but I’m short on time at the moment. Today is my day to cook (along with my brother and his wife) so I will be making pancakes and a spiral ham for breakfast for a small crowd (only about 20 people….the rest of the gang will be up in a day or two so it’s a smaller crowd). I have some sugar-free syrup and I cut up a watermelon (big surprise, eh???) so I will be able to have a small pancake or two (made without oil) with no-calorie spray butter and sugar-free syrup).

So far, I’ve been doing great keeping on track, even though I am surrounded…I mean surrounded….with extremely good-looking food.  My survival technique: bring/prepare side dishes that I can eat guilt-free.  On Sunday,  we had grilled chicken (always a good choice) and I prepared some green beans (minus all the butter, bacon, etc.) and pineapple-cheese casserole, but I used spray butter, Splenda, reduced-fat crackers, fat-free cheese….so it was a good choice for me.  The rest of the family enjoyed a big potato salad, German (served warm) potato salad, and lot of other great looking dishes that I just quickly glanced at. I don’t want to even LOOK at the desserts or other goodies.  I just prepare my own stuff, fill a plate with veggies and other good choices and enjoy the grilled meat.    For those of you that are saying, “IT CAN’T HAPPEN…..I can’t stay on track because I’m on vacation…. I’m camping… I’m this or I’m that……”  I say: “Don’t use any of those excuses. YES, it can be done!  You can enjoy your vacation and other celebrations (including picnics and parties) and still stay on track if you really want to.”  The question is, “Do you really want to?” For some, the answer is a resounding YES, but I realize that for some, moderation is the key.  I have yet to learn MODERATION and I don’t trust myself to have just a little of this and a little of that, so ABSTENIENCE is my only choice right now.  Still… I am enjoying special treats here and there (like ALL the watermelon I can eat this week!!!) and half of a big, juicy steak last night, as well as a couple of pancakes later this morning.    Plus, I am being so active, playing with the kids, riding my bike (not too far due to the recent RA flare), flying kites, playing in the garden….and now… planning my float for the parade on Saturday. (Yes, I’m feeling better and couldn’t just “take a year off to relax” so the rest of the week include throwing a big float together).  

The weather has been great; I’m feeling better; I’m incredibly blessed (but TIRED); Life is good; and God is greatly to be praised!  Hope you are all doing well!