Saturday, September 19, 2015
Where there is doubt......
Good morning my friends! I've been sitting here in the wee hours of the morning listening to the rain and trying to focus and calm my spirit for my TV interview in a few hours. I'm not really sure what questions I will be asked today on camera, but whenever I do an interview, it seems like folks are intrigued when they find out that I didn’t tell ANYONE for several weeks that I had started a journey to change my life.
I’ve reflected on that reality a lot over the past four years and I think it comes down to two things: First, my decision to try to lose weight came without ANY forethought whatsoever; it just happened in a moment of divine epiphany after a conversation with my sister, and second, it seemed virtually impossible for someone in a wheelchair to lose 200+ pounds without any medical intervention or surgery. Things like that typically don’t just happen and even though I truly believe it was only God’s grace that intervened in that split-second decision that prompted me to empty soda bottles down the drain and throw the sugar bowl in the trash, there must have been doubt lurking beneath the surface. Why else wouldn’t I tell those closest to me that I was ready to change my life? Even when we profess a strong faith, I think we all are plagued by doubt, a doubt that can cripple us if we give in to it.
Doubt…to be uncertain of something or afraid…can keep us stuck in a rut and prevent us from making the necessary changes to improve our health and well-being….if we let it control our actions. Doubt and the fear of failing yet again tormented me in the early days of my journey, and even now it threatens to sabotage me from time to time. I didn’t tell anyone about my plan in those early days simply because part of me thought that this attempt would be like the others in the past: I’d start out with a bang; lose a few…or maybe even 80….pounds; grow tired of the effort; reach a plateau; and simply give up and gain the weight back. I really didn’t need or want anyone being the ‘diet police’ or watching every move I made. I also didn’t want to disappoint them….or myself….by giving up on yet another attempt. When a person has tried to give up unhealthy habits multiple times in life without success, the last thing one wants is someone saying, ‘see I knew you couldn’t do it.” I didn’t need that…I was already battling those voices within. No, instead I needed to prove to myself that I was serious this time; that God had truly anointed my journey and that THIS TIME was going to be different…..BEFORE…. I invited others into my journey. I had to battle the doubts within before I encountered the doubts of others. Ironically, I never doubted God’s power; I only doubted my own ability.
After several weeks and several pounds lost I slowly invited others into my journey. It was almost as if I had to prove to myself that I was committed, to dig deep and believe that it was not only possible to succeed, but I WAS going to walk again, before I shared my plans with others. Day-by-day, though, I had to remind myself that I could not do this alone, not that others could do it for me because essentially my journey is personal and no one can make me do anything, but that I needed the intervention of my God; the grace of my higher power; the continued belief that with God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I also needed others to believe in….and for…me when doubt crept in.
In those moments when I was tempted to quit, someone would share a word of encouragement. In those moments when I was surrounded by high-calorie food and treats, someone would come out with a plate of watermelon or salad she set aside that didn’t have dressing on it. In those moments when I asked myself, “What on earth makes me think I could possibly lose that much weight”, someone would send a note, e- mail, or stop me in the hallway, store, or at church to tell me that he/she was proud of me. Each of those moments helped to dispel the doubt that was threatening my peace.
And so this morning….as I prepare to film the latest TV show, I have to once again dig deep and remind myself of the words of today’s quote: Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and remember the one reason that it will: NAMELY….that GOD said it will….if I believe; hope; cooperate; and do the work! I also will cling to all the beautiful comments, likes, and messages I’ve received from each of you and will remind myself that “I can do all things in Christ that gives me strength.” You, too…..can do all things…..if you battle through the doubt; if you fight the fear of failure; if you focus on the day, not how far you have to go or how much you’ve faltered, and if you trust that a force greater than yourself is more powerful than doubt.
Have a great day today….