Good morning everyone! It’s Saturday morning and here it is
just a few minutes after 3:00 a.m., and even though I don’t have to get up to
go to work, I’m up and drinking coffee and ready to start the day. Sleep seems
to allude me these days and I’ve been struggling to quiet my mind. One would think that with all the thoughts
that keep swirling around in my head that I would be able to write but that
doesn’t seem to be the case. I currently have three posts started on three
different days this week that I just couldn’t find words to finish. It’s just a phase in the journey, I suppose,
and one of these days things will begin to come together and my thoughts will
make sense once again. In the meantime, I’ve been trying to keep myself
mentally busy and focus on the blessings at hand, rather than dwell on what
could have been.
This week was especially difficult because I had planned to
be vacationing this week in a beach-front condo on Fort Myers beach. The trip
was a gift to me and Bruce and I were to planning to celebrate his birthday
this week there so this week my mind was in a much warmer place. I’m still
struggling to understand what went wrong or what God is teaching me from this ‘hard
to understand” situation, but I’m trusting that, in time, I will see His hand
at work. Waking up to a blanket full of
fresh snow on the ground two days ago certainly didn’t help much, but yesterday
it was sunny with bright blue skies and I spent the afternoon going to my first
several garage sales of the season. I was also able to be take a friend to the
doctor and spend time with him this week as he deals with some medical issues,
as well as finish up a lot of work for my two college classes (only have 2
exams left and I’m finished for the semester) so in reality, there has been
some good in the week. Anytime I focus
on ‘what could have/should have/what might have been” thoughts instead of what “is’,
I find myself in a mentally dangerous place and I have to work hard to remain positive
and focused on all the ‘good things” that fill my days, while recognizing my
humanity, and allowing myself to feel all the ‘ups and downs” that come with
one’s journey.
Anytime we encounter struggles….whatever they may be:
illness, financial set-backs, death of a loved one, heartache or disappointment…..even
the daily stressors of raising kids, job issues, household repairs, or just a ‘bad
day’, it can become even harder to keep focused and motivated to continue on
one’s life changing journey. Things that normally would just irritate us can
become a big stumbling block or send us spiraling out of control….if we let
them. It is during these times when we
may want to go back to old habits, or seek comfort in things, places, or even
people that are not good for our mental, emotional, or physical well-being.
These are the times, however, when we have to work even harder to stay
motivated and keep asking ourselves, ‘what do we want more?” These are the times when we have to
acknowledge that life is filled with both cloudy days and sunny ones…..each
necessary for growth….and recognize that life is really a dance….the “Theresa
dance” and we often find ourselves taking two steps forward and one step back.
This dance….is a reality in so many realms of our life but
we don’t always recognize it as a dance; rather, we think of it as a set-back
or a stumble. Realizing that change often results in a two steps forward, one
step back dance is a key to keeping on track. The changing of the seasons does
the dance. We had 70 degree weather in Michigan last weekend and I have my new
pool up and filled with water: On Thursday morning it was 26 degrees and my
pool cover had 2 inches of snow on it! We have a couple of days of warmth when
we think spring is here and the daffodils are blooming, and then it’s cold,
windy and snowy again and the freezing temperatures are threatening to kill the
new buds on trees. It’s a dance…but eventually
this dance will result in the changing of the season and it WILL be warm and
green and time for gardening, swimming, and riding my bike. In the meantime, I have two choices: complain
about how cold and miserable it is every other day….or rejoice and be grateful
for the sunshine when it does brighten the day.
Dealing with a chronic illness, either in oneself or a loved
one, is the same kind of dance. My
Rheumatoid arthritis is like the weather; completely unpredictable and I can go
a few weeks without much pain or inflammation, and then without warning, my
joints are flared and I struggle to do the simplest tasks. Those of you that deal with any type of
chronic illness yourself or are caregivers for loved ones know this dance very
well. You/your loved one have/has a few
good days and then a ‘not so good day” either because of treatment like chemo
or an illness like dementia. Even those who struggle with depression know what I
mean. Life is a mix of “ups and downs”, good days and “not so good days” but we
have two choices: Rejoice and be grateful for the good ones or allow the difficult
ones to taint our joy and turn us bitter.
Likewise, grieving a loss of ANY kind….a loved one, a job, a
break-up….it doesn’t matter; they all need to be grieved and need time to heal…results
in the same kind of dance. We might make
good progress and perhaps even manage to smile or laugh…and then something
reminds us of our loss, a special day occurs like a birthday, holiday, or
anniversary….and we feel sad and empty. It’s part of the healing process and we
have to allow ourselves to grieve, feel, and process the pain….or it will
fester inside of us and cause us problems down the road. It’s a dance….two steps forward; one step
back…and even though we may not like this particular dance, we have two
choices: be grateful to God for the love that changed us and enriched our lives
or be bitter and angry about our loss. Recognizing that time heals can help,
but in the meantime, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve in whatever
“healthy” way you need to. Eventually we will be okay and the ‘good days’ will
outweigh the bad ones.
Whatever it is about our life that we are working to change
involves the “dance.” We do great with
our weight loss and then we have a set-back: two pounds lost; one pound
gained. We stick to our exercise plan;
two weeks of exercise; then we lose momentum and motivation. We manage to build up a bit of savings in our
bank account and then we have a major car repair. We make progress in a relationship
with a friend or relative and then an argument occurs. LIFE…..is a dance……and while we can’t always control
or even LIKE the music that it plays, we can be grateful and recognize that as
long as we continue to take TWO STEPS forward we are still making progress,
even when we take ONE step back. And
besides….even if we don’t like to dance…or aren’t very good at it…..dancing
burns calories, right?
Today…..whether you are feeling like a ‘two steps forward”
kind of day….or struggling with a “one step back” moment, to recognize that as
long as we don’t continually take “one step back” we are still making progress
toward our goal and to remember, we have a choice today to either be grateful for
the blessings that are at hand….or be bitter and negative about those things we
don’t like, are not happy about…or have little control over. The sun isn’t even up yet where I live, but I’m
going to do my best today to be positive, to be happy, and be grateful…..and
try to take a step forward in the “Theresa dance” of life!
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