Yesterday I went outside to start my car up before work and I
was amazed at how “warm” it felt outdoors, even though I was walking across the
driveway in my slippers and without a coat. It was even nearly daylight . There
was even the pungent scent of skunk in the air. I thought to myself, “Gosh, it
feels like spring out there” and assumed that my lighthearted mood was just the
lingering excitement and joy about my recent engagement. Nonetheless, I felt a sense of positive
energy flow through me as I went back inside to finish getting ready for work.
When I pulled out of the driveway, again remarking at how ‘nice”
it was outside, I glanced up at the temperature displaying on my dashboard and
was surprised to see that it was only 12 degrees outside! WHAT?
12 degrees and I think it feels balmy?
Am I losing my mind? Am I runny a
fever? Has menopause set in? Nah…. but I was pretty sure that God was just
using the weather to speak to my heart.
And so….. I pondered, prayed, and thought about it on my drive in and
throughout my morning and the word I kept coming back to was COMPARISON.
COMPARISON…..an act that can either empower us….or cripple
us…if we allow it to. I’ve done both,
but yesterday I vowed to choose empowerment.
The reality of yesterday’s weather is that it was COLD….very cold; after
all it was only 12 degrees and there is snow piled high along the
driveway. And yet…. I thought it felt
like spring! WHY? Because I was comparing 12 degrees to last
week’s temperature of minus 28 degrees (-28 actual temperature). Certainly 12 degrees was downright balmy
compared to 28 below zero! On any other
day, I would be mumbling about how ridiculously cold 12 degrees is…how awful
the weather is in northern Michigan….how dark it is outside when I leave for
work….how much I long for spring to arrive…..but not yesterday…..because yesterday
it was more than 40 degrees warmer than it was on Friday when I went to
work. And so I smiled!
Bruce did a bit of shopping for me AGAIN last week and
surprised me this past weekend with some new clothes (yes…I am spoiled) but I was
disappointed and felt bad because a jacket he purchased…a size large….didn’t
even come close to fitting me. I was embarrassed and bewildered because it wasn’t
just tight….it was WAY too small. WHAT? I have clothes that have size tags ranging from size small all the way up to XL,
but I really was disheartened when the jacket didn’t fit and secretly, I wondered
if I was losing control. The rest of the weekend, I struggled silently with the
nagging feeling that everything felt too tight and I felt fat, bloated, and
insecure, even though Bruce told me repeatedly throughout the weekend that he
thinks I’m beautiful.
The struggle was in
my mind…I’m sure he didn’t even realize I was feeling that way…and my own
thoughts caused me to overreact emotionally to innocent comments about eating
and/or food choices. WHY? COMPARISION….only
this time… it was just the opposite….I was comparing the comfort of my clothes
this weekend to two months ago when my jeans zipped with ease instead of
rejoicing at how far I’ve come in my journey in these past four months and how
hard I’ve fought to keep focused and on track.
There is no doubt that my jeans felt tighter this past weekend than they
did last November, but they are still 12 sizes smaller than I used to
wear. I need to focus on THAT comparison…..not
get completely hung up on anything else. I need to rejoice that they still zip….and
that I am still fighting the fight, especially after the past two months of a
complete emotional whirlwind involving very big life changes, a lot of
traveling, two college classes, difficult weather conditions, a break-up and
now an engagement……up, down, joy, heartache, hope, fear…..and everything in
between….without the ability to walk and ride my bike due to the weather and darkness.
It’s no wonder my jeans felt tight…and that’s not even considering the normal, biological
reasons why we can feel bloated.
Instead of feeling defeated, scared, or beating myself up….or
worse…getting hung up because of a size tag and jacket didn’t fit (Seriously,
Theresa….every manufacture and designer sizes vary greatly which is why most
women have to try things on before buying them…hence the reason there are
dressing rooms in every store). I should
have….and need to….every day…..remind myself that I am a work in progress and
compare where I am TODAY to where I was four years ago. At that point, a size
12 or 14 or a large, was not even on my radar: All I dreamed about was being
able to buy a pair of jeans from the plus size store instead of a mail-order
catalog. Compared to that….well….TO GOD
BE THE GLORY!!! We are often our own
worst enemy!
Comparison can cripple us if we allow it to. If we look at
our life, our struggles, our relationships, our journey and compare it to those
who seem to live in nicer homes; have better cars; have lost more weight than
us; can walk further, run faster, or wear a smaller size, we will quickly
become resentful, envious, or defeated, rather than full of gratitude. The
reality is that there will ALWAYS be someone who is richer; healthier; thinner;
taller….whatever. There will ALWAYS be someone who appears happier; with kids
who are smarter; spouses who are kinder; crosses in life that are lighter. There will ALWAYS be those around us that are
more focused than us; more energetic; more disciplined….but their journey;
their lives; their realities are THEIRS….not ours….and if we compare ourselves to
someone else, we could lose hope and give up, instead of being grateful for
what we do have; the progress we have made; and how strong and blessed we are.
Instead, I encourage you to COMPARE your life, your journey,
your thinking to a time in your life when you weren’t working so hard to change
your life. Instead of getting hung up or
feeling discouraged that you still have 50 pounds to lose….or that you’ve gained
10 back…..how about rejoicing that you are still lighter today than you were 2
months or 2 weeks ago. Instead of
feeling bad that you can only do 3 sit-ups or walk a little ways without
tiring, how about rejoicing that you can do THREE sit-ups and CAN walk, even a
few steps. My friend Carol (and many others
in this world) would love to be able to do that today because she had her foot
amputated on Friday due to diabetes. Instead of me feeling sad that I can’t be
in the same room with the man I am going to marry because of life
circumstances, I need to rejoice that I get to be with him on many weekends. Instead of focusing on what little progress
you feel you have made….how about rejoicing that you are not the same person
today as you were a few months ago….even if you weigh the same ( or more or
less)…because you are changing the way you think; the way you react; and the
way you act. NONE of us are where we
want to be….NONE of us are perfect….NONE of us have the perfect life; the
perfect body; the perfect relationship; the perfect journey……but we ALL ARE A
WORK IN PROGRESS and we are better today….stronger; wiser; kinder, and more
loving today….than we were yesterday.
Compared to THAT……well…. we have much to be thankful for. Don’t’ give
up; don’t lose hope; don’t despair…regardless of the size tag on the jacket;
regardless of the number facing you on the scale; regardless of the stressors
in your life. YOU ARE making progress…YOU
ARE….better today than yesterday…..YOU ARE….beautiful, capable, loveable, and
worthy…..in spite of your imperfections.
Finally, I encourage each of you that are on a weight loss journey to take a selfie today, even if you HATE your picture being taken. Hang on to a few pieces of your ‘fat clothes.” Take note of what you can physically do…how far you can walk…or how many steps you can climb without losing your breath…and write it down. A few months from now….or whenever you feel discouraged….you can look at the picture or try on those pants and compare your progress. Even as little as 15 pounds will show up in your face and you will see progress. Don’t lose heart my friends…..we may not be what we want to be….but Thank GOD we aren’t what we used to be!!!!
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