Happy Mother's Day

Good Morning and Happy Mother’s Day to all women in the group, regardless of whether or not you have children/grandchildren of your own. Today is a day to celebrate women and the ways in which we nurture those around us. Mother’s Day is not an easy day for me because my mom passed away when I was in my 20’s and both of my grandmothers have died as well. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has passed since their deaths; days like today always remind me that they are no longer “physically” with me each day…….and yet, I know that their spirit and tenacity are deeply rooted in my soul.

It’s been a busy few days. I was out-of-town to speak at a conference for my job at the college this week, returning on Friday night, and then yesterday was graduation. Even though it was pouring down rain, it was a full house and there was a lot of joy and celebration in that gymnasium. I felt a lot of emotion as I watched as many of my students received their hard earned diplomas, often attending school while dealing with a plethora of ‘outside issues” and academic, financial, and/or personal ­­struggles. It strengthens me on  my own journey when I witness the rewards of hard work in others. In my day-to-day interaction, I’m often privileged to share my own story with a student, not just the weight loss journey, but also the story of returning to college in my 40’s, unemployed, obese, and desperate. Like you….and me….those students had to be focused and determined in the pursuit of that diploma, and continually remind themselves that the outcome would be worth the effort.

Whether I’m speaking to a large group, answering e-mail from some who has read my story, or encouraging a student one-on-one, I am often asked, “Theresa, have you always been this driven?”  I smile, and say, “Absolutely, however, most of those close to me refer to me as stubborn and bull-headed.” Driven: I like that. Usually, I say, “determined,” but driven works.  I usually then share that I learned that trait from my parents and grandparents.

Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, I reflect on those individuals that helped me become strong and instilled in me a determination and drive to keep on going and a strength to persevere with things get tough. My mother and grandmothers are right at the top of the list, as so, on this Mother’s Day morning, I offered a prayer of thanksgiving to God for the many ways that these beautiful women continue to influence my life on a daily basis, even though they have been in heaven for many years.

My Grandma Brinkmeier, Evelyn, grew up on small farm in rural Michigan. She experienced grief at a very young age, losing a brother when he was nine years old. Her 16-year-old sister, along with two of her cousins, were killed in a trolley car accident while traveling to the church for the wedding rehearsal of another cousin. Her mother died when my Grandma was only 12 years old. She developed psoriasis early on in life, and for as long as I can remember, her body was scabbed with painful sores. And yet….she was kind, happy, generous, and full of faith. She was a woman of prayer and always trusted that God would see her through whatever trial or tragedy came her way. She taught me to be grateful for the blessings in my life….even when life was hard.  In spite of all the hardships she endured, she always put the needs of others first….and God blessed her with a happy adult life. She and my grandfather were happily married….and still deeply in love….for 58 years when she died at age 78.  Grandma was my biggest “cheerleader” and in her eyes, I shone like a star. I really miss her….and yet, I know that her generous spirit…and her faith….are deeply rooted in me. Unfortunately, so is her love of food!

My grandma Borawski, Florence, had a similar childhood. Growing up during the depression, one of six children, money was always tight and yet, they got somehow got by. She often spoke about wearing hand-me-downs as a child (hmmm….and here I am a Salvation Army Thrift store queen! J), but when I was growing up, I loved to go her in bathroom because the counter was COVERED with make-up, perfume, and lotions of all kinds and she loved clothes (hmmm….again! J).  Her grandparents owned some cabins up in Indian River, Michigan and she spent summers up there in the north woods. This is likely where my love of northern Michigan came from. Grandma was one of the “toughest” women I know, and would take on anyone….male or female….that challenged her. As a bartender for more than 20 years, she often told stories of picking up some drunk guy and “tossing” him out the door. All she had to do was look at us with “that look” and all of us grandchildren would straighten up in a minute.  And yet… I never remember her ever saying a cross word to me.  In her eyes….I could do no wrong.

 

Like Evelyn’s, my grandma’s life was filled with heartache. She lost my dad when he was only 34 years old. She never got over his death; how could you? Those of you that have lost children would understand; I cannot even begin to comprehend what it must be like to lose a child. She buried a second son when he was 47. Between that, she dealt with my grandfather, a man who struggled with alcohol issues, was often drunk, and ended up having a debilitating stroke in his early 50’s. I never remember grandpa being able to walk or talk….and yet, my grandma took care of him as long as she could while continuing to work full-time, maintain a house, and raising six children. I remember her telling me one time that my father was in the hospital in Detroit (35 miles in one direction), my grandfather was in the hospital in Toledo (35 miles the other direction), and my great-grandma was in the hospital in Trenton (in the middle) and EVERY DAY…even though she didn’t get home from work until 3 a.m., she would get up, take care of the household stuff, get things ready for dinner…and make the trip to see EACH OF THEM in the hospital….before going to work in the afternoon.  How did she do that?  How did she get through those years of struggle? How did she keep going and going and going?   She was strong….and stubborn….and determined….and just somehow found the strength to “do whatever she had to do.” And she had fun along the way. She was always the center of attention, well-liked, and the life of the party. She loved to sing, laugh, have a good time, and celebrate. And….in her eyes…. I could do no wrong! And even though she didn’t really acknowledge it fully until late in life when she had nothing but time on her hands, she was a woman of great faith. To this day, I maintain that my MIRACLE began the day she went to heaven and had a little chat with God….because her death was the beginning of my journey to a healthier life.  She died in 2011 at age 90….and I miss her deeply. And yet… I KNOW….that her determination, drive, and strength have been deeply rooted in me….and have been instrumental to me on my journey.

Finally, my mother…..the woman who gave me life. Another woman who endured hardship, grief and loss….and yet…was the kindest, most generous, and caring woman I know. She married the love of her life, my dad, at age 26, and gave birth to three of us; I am the oldest. I was only eight years old when mom lost my dad at age 34, leaving her a young widow with three small children. Although I knew the sting of grief, I never UNDERSTOOD the loss she must have felt until I grew up and fell in love myself. How do you go on when you lose the love of your life at such a young age and have to support and raise three children alone?  How do you make yourself get out of bed each day….go to work….put on a happy face…do what you have to do?  I never remember seeing her cry until later in life.  What I did see, is a woman who ALWAYS put the needs of others first….coming home exhausted from work…and yet going to visit the neighbor lady who was dying of cancer, baking something for the bake sale and church, sending a card to someone who was ill or lonely, or visiting the sick.

She was an amazing woman….one of GREAT FAITH. She married my step-dad in the late 1970’s and welcomed his six children into her brood and shortly after that, she developed cardio-myopathy, a serious heart disease that would eventually take her life at age 54. And yet….in spite of the crosses she was given….she always drew her strength from God….and taught me to do the same. She always believed that God would give her what she needed to handle whatever came her way. She was driven….she was strong….she was kind…she was loving….and above all……she was COMPASSIONATE.   I want to be like that when I grow up!

And so…..in these early hours of Mother’s Day, my heart is somewhat sad today because I miss these three women….and yet, mostly, I am eternally grateful to them…..and to GOD….for the blessing they were (and continue to be) in my life. They have taught me to love; to endure; to cherish each day; to be kind. Mostly, they have taught me to “KEEP ON keeping on” and to TRUST that no matter what….no matter how hard the road becomes….no matter how tough the journey is….that GOD will always be at my side; will always direct my steps; and will always give me what I need to carry on. 

So when asked….”Theresa, have you always been this determined”, I simply must say, “Absolutely, I was taught by the best!”   I will “keep on keeping on” because I know …that wherever they are this day….their spirit is alive and well in me….and that they are praying for me, supporting me, and giving me strength.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom…and Grandma’s.  I hope that each day of my life I live in a way that makes you proud….and brings honor to your name.

As you reflect on your own personal journey, try to find someone in your life…past or present…that will inspire you to keep going when you are weary and want to give up. Someone that will believe that you can do it, even when it appears impossible. Someone that will support you; pray for you; encourage, and always see goodness in you.  Surround yourself with those people; draw strength from them; and when all else fails….KNOW THAT I WILL DO THAT FOR YOU!  I believe in you….I am here for you…. I struggle with you….and I KNOW that with God….all things are possible!  Enjoy your day today….and be especially kind to those who are sad this day.

Recognizing good from bad

Good Monday Morning!  What a glorious weekend it was in northern Michigan. Spring has finally arrived, and at last, my days off coincided with the warmth and sunshine. It was so good for me, mentally and physically, to be able to spend so much time outside working in the gardens, cooking turkey burgers on the grill, AND….floating in my new little backyard pool for a little while. The water temp in the pool was only 65 degrees so I did very little swimming and a lot of floating on the raft, but it sure felt great to be in the sun and enjoying the outdoors after such a long, cold winter.

I get so much joy out of my gardens and it sure was wonderful to look and see the little mounds of green popping up out of the ground, giving me hope,  that yes, even after a long, cold winter, life continues to exist.  I even had two tulips bloom this weekend! One of the things I like best about working in my flower gardens is that it gives me an opportunity to really listen to the world around me and often I feel God’s presence around me, strengthening, inspiring, and speaking to me….not to mention it is very good exercise!  This weekend was no exception.

One of the first spring tasks is to clean out the beds of the fallen leaves, decaying foliage, and other debris that has accumulated over the winter. This is a long, tedious job that must be done by hand so that I don’t damage any of the plants or garden accents that are there.  I spent several hours both Saturday and Sunday,  and only managed a couple of the garden areas, but as I worked, I kept thinking about how much I’ve learned over the years about perennials and how much better I am at this sort of thing.  Let me explain…..

More than 20 years ag0 (this week, in fact), I purchased my first little place ‘up north” in northern Michigan, just around the corner from my current home. At that time, I was working in ministry downstate, lived in an apartment during the school year but would spend most weekends and all summer up north. I was so excited to discover that my new get-away had a large rock garden in the back yard. It was overgrown with plants and didn’t look like it had been kept up in many years. One of my first priorities was to clean that large garden out and plant flowers. At that time, “flowers” to me meant marigolds, petunias, and geraniums. Those were the plants I knew.

 I worked for several days, until I was sore and sunburned, and pulled out EVERY sign of growth….EVERY single plant….EVERY thing in that large raised bed.  I was so proud of myself! That pride and sense of accomplishment lasted only until I met one of my neighbors in the grocery store a week later and she was congratulating me on the new place and told me how much she always loved the large rock PERENNIAL garden in the back yard.  Perennial garden?  What’s that, I asked? My heart sank as she explained that perennials were plants that came back year-after-year and got bigger and better as they aged.    I had no prior knowledge of gardening, and you guessed it: I totally cleared out, pulled out, dug out….EVERY SINGLE perennial plant that was sprouting from the ground! I had no idea what I had done, but was dismayed to discover that I had destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of plants…many that took many years to mature enough to actually bloom… due to ignorance.  At that time, I didn’t know the good from the bad.

I have learned a lot since then, and yesterday, as I picked up debris, cut back and pulled out last year’s dead growth, and pulled the weeds that are already growing (seriously, there isn’t even leaves on the trees up here yet and I have WEEDS???), I kept thinking about how the “good” and the “bad” are often found growing/dwelling together and how important it is for us to learn to RECOGNIZE the good amidst the bad. We often aren’t very good at it and it is a skill that takes time to learn.  In terms of gardening, it means that I had to be very careful to get rid of those things that I have learned are weeds…..to learn when/if I should cut back foliage and prune a plant….to learn what is a plant that will come back again this summer even when it appears dead now….essentially what is good and desirable and will eventually flower and bloom…..and what is not. This is something that I’ve gotten better at by learning, trial and error, and experience….and even now, I still make mistakes that I later regret.  Hmmm….. not so different than life, is it?

In the garden that we call ‘our life’, we often find that we have many good things….blessings, people, experiences….all around us but they are often found amidst the not so good things….grief, illness, sadness, loss, etc. that sometime threaten to overtake our well-being and spirit. Very often, the struggles are must easier to focus on. I firmly believe that in EVERY SINGLE situation/experience/person that we encounter…YES, even heartache, loss, disappointment, failure….that there is good there, even when we can’t readily recognize it.  There is ALWAYS something of value about every person; we just sometimes have to look really hard to see it. There is ALWAYS a lesson to be learned in every experience; it just takes time and patience to discover it. There is ALWAYS an opportunity to grow in our faith and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS something to be grateful for, but like those perennials, we have to train ourselves to recognize our blessings. The more we do it, however, the better we will become.   And, certainly, like gardening, it can be really hard sometimes……and painful…but we will be better people in the long run.

My friends….if the struggles of your journey are threatening to take over your spirit; your road seems long and all uphill; you are wanting to give up or feel discouraged, take heart and have faith that amidst all of that, THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD….you just have to look really hard and learn to recognize it.  Even if you are trying really hard to stay on track, but haven’t seen the results that you want….or you’ve tried again and again and just seem to blow it…don’t lose heart….positive things are happening.  Even if you only get through two hours before eating that cookie, you still got through two hours! Even if you quit smoking for two days and then lit one up again…you still went two days. Even if you’ve lost weight and gained a few pounds back (a few of summer shorts from last year wont zip without a struggle….sigh), don’t fret because you KNOW how to do it, you’ve done it before, you’re still better off than you were at your heaviest…and YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!

We are all a work in progress and, like perennial gardening, we sometimes make mistakes. We sometimes fail to recognize the good in the midst of the bad. We sometimes just want to throw everything out and start all over again, but if we do, we can lose out on some very wonderful lessons…and blessings.  Reading countless gardening books and magazines has taught me to recognize what to keep and what to get rid of in the garden, but only GOD can teach/help us to recognize the good in all things.  That is exactly why I pray each day… “Open my eyes this day, God, that I may see and RECOGNIZE your presence in every person, every situation, and every thing I encounter this day.”  THANK YOU….for being a ‘good thing” on my journey and for your patience with me during these past several months. 

 

Learning to "MAKE DO"

Happy Wednesday!  It’s finally light enough in to take a walk outdoors in the early morning before work, although I have a meeting at the other campus this morning so my walk will have to wait until after work today. Earlier this week, though, I managed to get a mile in as the sun was coming up. While walking down the dirt road, I notice a mama duck and her babies swimming in the ditch near my house. I smiled as I continued to walk and, as you probably guessed, I’ve been thinking about these ducks for a couple of days now as I pondered why I had noticed them. I’ve written before that oftentimes when I ‘notice” something unusual or unique, I believe it is God’s way of speaking to me and encouraging me on my journey. It just means I have to think about it and ponder it a while.   For a few days now I’ve been thinking about that Mama Duck and how she was ‘making do” with what she had; namely, just an overflowing ditch!

 Most of us, at one time or another, have had/have to “make do with what we had/have.”  At least, I have.  Perhaps it’s dinner time, the kids are hungry, or someone stops over, and you open the refrigerator or cupboard and it seems bare, and yet, you manage to “make do” and throw something together out of nothing but leftovers, and to your surprise, you get a compliment about your meal. Perhaps you’ve experienced this during the holidays when money was tight and you couldn’t possibly afford to buy the Christmas gifts that you wanted to give and you had to resort to a homemade gift or something sentimental, and it turns out the recipient just loved it and it was “their favorite Christmas gift ever.”  Perhaps your plans got changed or you couldn’t afford to take that special vacation you had planned, but a trip to the park, a visit with an old friend, or a picnic turned a day off into a ‘perfect day.”  Things might not be the way we had envisioned them; we may be carrying extra weight and wonder if we will EVER reach our goal; we might now have all that we ‘think we want” or our life may not be the way we had hoped it would be, but somehow ‘we make do” and if we truly look at things with the eyes of gratitude, we realize that things are not so bad at all.

I thought a lot about that little duck this week and how happy she appeared to be (seriously, Theresa….what does a happy duck look like anyway?  LOL) as she swam in that ditch with her babies, surrounded by overgrown brush and weeds.  Did she wish she were in a big, clean lake with a lot of room?  Did she think the water was too cold or moving too fast? Was it clean enough? Had she hoped for a nicer place to raise her babies?  Hmmm….  I seriously doubt that silly little duck was thinking anything at all, but she certainly could have picked a nicer place to raise her ducklings, but she seemed to be “making do’ with the muddy little ditch in the woods as she did exactly what she was created to do: swim, splash, quack, give life and protect those around her from harm. There is much to be learned from that little duck.

It would probably be very difficult for me to find someone….any one…who could say that his/her life is absolutely perfect and everything is EXACTLY the way he/she wants it to be, but there is a very big difference between being JOYFUL and PEACEFUL and having a perfect life with a perfect job and a perfect house with a perfect body.  I think too many times we equate happiness with perfection and I, personally, don’t think the two have much to do with each other.  Certainly, we all want to be the best that we can be. We strive to improve our life; our well-being; or health; and we work to educate ourselves, find meaningful jobs; improve our relationship with God and others; and make changes to make our lives better, but does our contentment, joy, and peacefulness come from perfection?  To me, I don’t think it does.  I think true JOY comes from gratitude and realizing that even in the midst of a storm or dark time in life, we are abundantly blessed and God is present. It comes from recognizing that each of us is a work in progress and even though our lives are not PERFECT; we are carrying extra weight or have habits that we’d like to change; that our children or partners sometime disappoint us; our bodies sometimes fail us; our jobs sometimes stress us out; and our lives are not EXACTLY the way we want them to be….we STILL are blessed with many good things.  Truly happy, joyful, and peaceful people learn to “MAKE DO” with what they have and realize that each day is a gift from God; that life is very short; and that there is much to be celebrated along the way because God gives us EVERYTHING we need to get through each day; to be strong in our journey; to change our lives; and to face each challenge that comes our way. Even THOUGH....we are on a journey; even WHEN we are trying to reach a goal or lose weight; even WHILE we are making changes….there is much to rejoice about; to celebrate; and to be thankful for.

Today…. I encourage you to be recognize that even if your life isn’t perfect;  even though you may be struggling to lose weight; quit smoking or give us some other habit; even when you have lost motivation or will-power; or are in the midst of an emotional, financial, or physical struggle that EVERY DAY is a gift; every pound lost or step taken in the right direction is something to celebrate; and there is ALWAYS something…(you may have to look really hard to find it, but there is always something) to be grateful for.  We are abundantly blessed and if we truly want to be happy, we must learn to “make do” with what we have before us while working to change those things that we have the ability to change.

Tell yourself............

Good Morning...I'm not afraid to admit that I talk to myself…..A lot!  After all, what we THINK....and what we speak.....play a big part in what we DO.  Many times throughout this journey, I would stand in front of the bathroom mirror; sometimes not recognizing the person staring back at me, and say, "GIRL...you've got this!" Other times throughout the day, I ask myself, "Theresa.....what do you want more…to eat a candy bar or cupcake or whatever or to………....(the answer  is always to WALK...and keep on being able to walk)" or "Are you REALLY hungry, or just sad, stressed, tired?" Other times I give myself a pep talk in the privacy of my car or office (or wherever) telling myself, “YES…with God’s help you CAN do….whatever it is you need/want to do” or “Just a few more steps….or the day is almost over…..or Look how far you’ve come.” Finding meaningful Scriptures to speak out loud help too. 

Sometimes I catch myself saying things out loud like, “I am SO tired” or “ Gosh, I feel awful” or other negative things, but other than validating that I really am feeling physically fatigued or not feeling well, saying it doesn’t do a darn thing to change the situation. In fact, it often just makes me feel more worn out. Likewise, words like, ‘He/she is such an idiot” or ‘Do you BELIEVE what he/she just said/did?” have no value when spoken either to someone else or in the privacy of one’s own ‘space” where no one but yourself can hear you.  Negative words allow negative thoughts to grow and almost always  lead to negative actions that reap negative results.

What we say to ourselves is as important.....well, maybe even MORE important than what we say to others.....because it impacts our behavior. Today, I encourage you to take a few minutes to speak positive words to yourself first……and then find something positive to say to those you encounter today…… and speak a good day into existence! Have a good day today.