Theresa Borawski as featured in FIRST for Women magazine. 10.4.14 issue

God is good! What a privilege to share my story with the readers of FIRST for Women magazine!  October 4, 2014 issue

Don't get discouraged by a wall....

Ever feel like you've run into a brick wall.....or worse yet....that you're TALKING to a brick wall?  I have run into walls....I've built walls up around me.... I've felt like I was talking to a wall.....I've wanted to bang my head against a wall.......AND......I've seen those walls come tumbling down around me, setting me free!   Don't let a WALL  keep you in bondage; start knocking those bricks out one by one!  You can do it....I know you can!

Do as I do; not as I say

As a child, I was always perplexed when my mother would say, “Do as I say; not as I do” when trying to get me to alter my behavior in some way. For the most part, she modeled good behavior, but sometimes, to a kid, adult privileges such as staying up late, enjoying a cocktail, or going out to special events seemed unfair when I wasn’t allowed to participate. Good habits, like going to church, saying prayers before bedtime, eating vegetables at dinner, and saving money in a jar for a special treat or a vacation, were modeled, not merely expected behavior. I liked that, and subsequently, learned that others will have a greater respect for my words when I backed them up with action.  When I was in an administrative position at work many years ago, I never expected my staff members to do things that I wasn’t willing to do myself.

I mentioned in previous posts that I’m teaching a couple of sections of a “Navigating College” class this semester. This course is designed to help first-time students learn the habits required to be successful in college. Last week I was telling my classes that I know first-hand how difficult it is to go to college and manage a job and personal life at the same time because I’ve been in there shoes not so long ago, and I keep “putting on those shoes.”  I take a couple of classes “just for fun” each winter to keep myself “in the loop” and remind myself of what it’s like to be a student, primarily so that I can back up my words and say, “I hear ya, sister,” when a student is lamenting the struggles and frustrations of school.  It makes my words of counsel and advice a bit more effective when I can say, “Been there; done that; still there….” 

There is something comforting about being in the midst of those who know what it’s like to “walk the walk” and not merely “talk the talk.”  I always found it difficult to put much stock or make a connection to those who were giving out weight loss or exercise advice that never struggled with weight issues or eating habits. Likewise, I doubted that a completely “fit”, life-time athlete that never had to struggle to walk a half a block could understand what it was like to be obese and struggle to pick up a set of keys that were dropped to the ground.  It just didn’t make sense that he/she would know what it’s like to be teased, out of shape, unable to buy a pair of pants from a store, or addicted to food, any more that I would know what it’s like to be addicted to nicotine or drugs, having never smoked a day in my life or did drugs. Although I greatly appreciate the wisdom of those that have been trained in the areas of medicine, physical education, and nutrition, I seem to connect much better with those who are like me....and know what it’s like to have been obese…..and know what it’s like to fight every day to keep from becoming that way again.  Perhaps that is why I get so much strength from this group:  We are ALL…..each of us….working day by day to become better….healthier….happier and holier people, and we are ALL in this together!!! Birds of a feather, if you will???????

I’ve shared many times that my strength for this journey has come, and continues to come, from my faith in a higher power. In times of temptation, I unite myself with Jesus, knowing that He, too, was tempted and wanted to give up.  In times of frustration, I remind myself that He, too, knew what it was like to be human to experience pain, sadness, and loneliness, and yet, He surrendered His life to His Father. He knew what it was like to fall, not just once, but several times, on His way to the cross, and yet, He got up again and again.  I try to remember that when I feel like I’ve failed and need to start anew.  Life is a journey, and each day, we get another opportunity to do better; make better choices; be kinder, more loving, gentle, and forgiving people. We get a “do-over” each day….and we can unite selves to one who knows what it’s like…not only our God….but each other! 

At Mass this weekend, my pastor made reference to a story about Ghandi and a boy that was struggling with sweets. His mother brought him to see Ghandi hoping that the wise man could persuade her son to give up eating sugar.  I had never heard the story before but I am pasting it below because it spoke to me and has provided me with “food for thought” this week.  Perhaps it will do the same for you! 

Be The Change You Want To See In This World – Mahatma Gandhi
During 1930′s, a young boy had become obsessed with eating sugar. His mother was very upset with this. But no matter how much she scolded him and tried to break his habit, he continued to satisfy his sweet tooth. Totally frustrated, she decided to take her son to see his idol – Mahatma Gandhi; perhaps her son would listen to him.
She walked miles, for hours under scorching sun to finally reach Gandhi’s ashram. There, she shared with Gandhi her predicament. -
“Bapu, my son eats too much sugar. It is not good for his health. Would you please advise him to stop eating it?”
Gandhi listened to the woman carefully, thought for a while and replied,
“Please come back after two weeks. I will talk to your son.”
The woman looked perplexed and wondered why had he not asked the boy to stop eating sugar right away. She took the boy by the hand and went home.
Two weeks later they revisited Gandhi. Gandhi looked directly at the boy and said,
“Boy, you should stop eating sugar. It is not good for your health.”
The boy nodded and promised he would not continue this habit any longer. The boy’s mother was puzzled. She turned to Gandhi and asked,
“Bapu, Why didn’t you tell him that two weeks ago when I brought him here to see you?”
Gandhi smiled,
“Mother, two weeks ago I was eating a lot of sugar myself.”

Be assured, my friends, that I am here with you to share in your journey. Although I don’t fully understand all the crosses that you may be carrying, I do share in many of them. I know what it’s like to struggle with issues of weight, addiction (to food), unworthiness, fear, grief, unemployment, sadness, and a plethora of other concerns. I know what it’s like to doubt that life will ever be any better….and I know what it’s like to want to give up.  But I also know what it’s like to be “FREE” from those things; to dig deep and keep trying; to reach a little goal and set another. I know what it’s like to fight the fight; walk the walk; not merely just talk the talk. You won’t ever hear me say, “Do as I say; not as I do” when it comes to weight loss. You won’t ever hear me say, “Get off your butt and do something physical” while I sit in my lazy boy and have a donut. You won’t ever hear me say, “This is easy.”  What I do say to you is this: “Changing your life is HARD WORK.  You will want to give up again and again. You will be tempted and you’ll likely feel frustrated, and perhaps, angry at others who appear to have an easy time losing weight, being active, enjoying good health, working a great job with a great income, being in a wonderful relationship, etc... You will have days….perhaps many….when you have to drag your rear out of the chair or bed to put on your walking shoes to get moving. You’ll wonder if you will EVER reach your goals or feel better. You’ll probably have days when you binge, go off track, are frustrated because you gave in and ate something you wish you wouldn’t have. You may have to start over and over and over.  BUT…..You CAN DO IT….YOU CAN change your life….IT IS possible….and IT IS SO incredibly worth it!  I know… I’ve been there….. I am there….. I know what it’s like…..but I know a God who says “ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!”   Don’t give up my friends….keep fighting, keep believing, and keep on making the choices that will ultimately lead to change.  You can do it!!!  

Hope in the midst of struggle

 Happy Friday morning! I think I like these 4-day work weeks and am looking so forward to having the weekend off to get caught up with a few things.  I had a bit of a treacherous drive into work yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I had just finished my morning walk and was heading up the driveway when it began to pour. The rain continued for the entire ½ hour drive to work, but about half way into the drive, the sun came out and was literally blinding me because most of my drive is due-east. At one point in the drive, it was raining so hard and the sun was shining so brightly that I had to pull over and literally inch my way down the shoulder.  It was really strange but I was rewarded with a spectacular rainbow; my first of the summer.  I made it to work safely; the storm turned passed; and it turned out to be a gorgeous summer day, but WOW…what a way to start the day!

It was quite easy for me to see God’s hand in the moment and to recognize the connection to my personal journey; past and present. While it’s much easier for us to look back at a difficult time in our life and say, ‘Yes, God helped me through it” or maybe even connect to the famous/popular “Footprints in the sand” story (google it if you aren’t familiar with it), it’s often harder for us to get to the point where we are able to recognize God’ presence IN THE MIDST of the storms and difficulties in our life.  Yesterday was a potent reminder to me that, “YES….God is present in EACH and EVERY moment of my journey”….during EACH and EVERY struggle and temptation…..EACH and EVERY time it seems so hard to “keep on keeping on” and I want to give up. 

It’s not always easy to recognize God in our journey, though, especially when things seem unfair, unbearable, or hopeless. It’s hard to believe that life will ever be any better or we will ever reach our goals when it seems like things are not happening as fast as we want them to or we keep failing time and time again. Our human nature wants to focus on the storm at hand; on the emotional or physical pain of illness or loss; on the rain pounding on our window; or the despair threatening to overwhelm us. It’s hard to dig deep and realize that we are not alone when life gets really, really tough.

 While I never lost my faith in the midst of some pretty tough losses in my life, I admittedly didn’t handle them as well as I could have. I was angry at the “institutional church” when I lost my job. I was resentful at others who didn’t seem to struggle as I was. I was frustrated when I was given the diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis and told that there was no cure, and the ways to treat it involved medication with unpleasant side effects. I was agitated and felt that I had drew the “short straw” yet again in life.  I was overwhelmed with grief, loss, and the struggles in life and for a while, I lost focus on the blessings and instead dwelled on the storms.  I coped the best way I knew how: withdrawing from others and comforting eating.  And yet…like the blinding sunshine in yesterday’s storm……through it all…. God was there….waiting for me to be ready…..truly ready…for change.

As I’ve said many times before, changing the way I THINK has been a key part of my journey.  I believed from the earliest days of my journey that God was going to be with me and that He was going to do something really big in my life….primarily because of my grandmother’s death. I honestly believed then….and now… that through her death, I was going to experience great blessings….and I did.  Because I “believed that” from the beginning… I began to LOOK FOR IT and EXPECT miracles. I started to look at things in a new way. My focus changed from pity and hopelessness to anticipation and gratitude.  Even at 400 pounds, I began to feel hopeful because I was losing weight, even though I had a couple hundred pounds to lose and couldn’t hardly stand or walk. I started to express gratitude and see the good in situations…even when life really “sucked” (pardon the slang). Instead of grumbling about how hard it was to get to work when I was in such pain and unable to walk, I began to think about how grateful I was to have a job that I liked after years of unemployment. Instead of feeling sorry for myself for my inability to walk, I began to feel thankful that I had good health insurance that paid for a bariatric walker with a seat so that I could go to places that didn’t have mobility carts. Instead of saying or thinking, “poor me, I can’t eat that pizza or have a piece of birthday cake,” I began to realize that “Yes, I could eat it….but I’m choosing NOT to because it will make me feel better.”  I began to look for God’s intervention and pray to recognize His presence in my life and my journey…..and you know what..... THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE…..very quickly!  I was losing weight at a rapid speed….with not a lot of struggle or temptation in the beginning. I was focused; motivated; and strengthened….and I was seeing results.  Through it all…. I was grateful….and my mantra became, “Thank you God, Thank you God, You have set me free. Thank you, God, Thank you, God….for this Vic-tor-y!”  I say that over and over and over in my mind all day….everyday…..and I believe it. 

My life has changed so much in the last few years. Many things have become easier because of the weight loss, but other things have become more challenging. I now have to deal with things emotionally, spiritually, and mentally that I never had to before.  Weight loss doesn’t eliminate storms in life; it just makes them easier to handle….but the thing that makes EVERYTHING easier to handle is changing one’s focus from anger; fear; bitterness; and hopelessness….to gratitude….and trying hard to focus on the positive and be grateful.   Life is not easy for anyone….at any weight….at any age, marital status, state of health.  Storms happen to ALL people…..but yet…..through it all, God is always there amidst the rains.  Sometimes we just have to look REALLY HARD to recognize it…..but as we proceed through our journey, it becomes easier to be peaceful in the midst of grief; hopeful in the midst of illness; trusting in the midst of crisis. And……every once in a while…..when we least expect it, but need it most…..God will show us his presence….just like yesterday in the midst of my storm drive. His light and warmth will often times blind us as the storms rage around us and rock our world.

So many of you are in the midst of some really tough storms…..chemo, grief from the loss of a loved one, unemployment, marriage/relationship difficulties, addiction….and so many other burdens.  I encourage you today to look really hard for the signs around you that you are not alone; that your higher power is there; that things will get better and change is possible.   My prayer today is that you may find a sign today…..like I did in yesterday’s rainbow and continue to see day in and day out.  Be strong in your commitment to change; be hopeful in the possibility of new life; and be grateful for the blessings in the midst of the struggles.  I’m here with you….and for you…..  I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful day today!